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Designing a home with your partner sounds exciting—until you realize you have very different ideas about what “dream home” actually means. One of you has an extensive Pinterest board. The other just wants a comfy couch and enough outlets.
The truth is, designing a custom home for couples really comes down to balancing different priorities, lifestyles, and visions while making decisions you both can live with (literally).
So before you start debating open floor plans or waterfall islands, here are some expert-backed tips to make the process smoother—and keep the peace along the way.
Define Your Must-Haves vs. Nice-to-Haves
Before meeting with an architect, each of you should make a list of non-negotiables and nice-to-haves separately. Then compare.
True compromise in design is about making sure neither of you looks back and thinks, “Wait ... how did I lose my reading nook and my walk-in pantry?”
Speak Up—But Also Listen
One of you might be more vocal about design, while the other just nods along. But the best-designed homes reflect both people’s needs, even if one partner isn’t as engaged in the details.
If you’re the one who’s quieter about design, this is the time to speak up. Even if you don’t think you have strong preferences. (Trust us, you might once decisions are made without you.) If you’re the more outspoken one, pause and ask your partner: “What’s really important to you in this space?”
And if your partner shrugs and says, “I don’t know,” don’t take that as a free pass to make all the decisions. They might just need more time (or visuals!) to form an opinion.
Design for How You Actually Live
It’s easy to fall in love with trends or aspirational ideas, but your home should work for both of your daily lives.
Love the look of an open kitchen but hate seeing dishes in the sink? A semi-open layout might be better.
Dreaming of a guest room but only host overnight visitors once a year? Maybe that space should serve another purpose most of the time.
Want a spa tub but prefer quick showers? Consider if it’s worth the space (or opt for a luxurious walk-in shower instead).
There are so many ways to design great solutions into a home to ensure it's functional for your lifestyle today and in the future.
Prioritize Timeless Over Trendy
We get it. Some trends look amazing on Instagram. But what looks good now might not feel right long-term. Instead of making every decision based on what’s trending, ask: “Will we still love this in 5-10 years?”
That doesn’t mean avoiding trends altogether, but maybe you can incorporate them in ways that are easy to update (paint, lighting, décor) instead of committing to something huge (like a neon kitchen.)
Trust Your Architect to Bridge the Gaps
No matter how aligned you and your spouse or partner think you are, at some point, you’ll disagree. And that’s okay!
A good architect knows how to be a mediator, translator, and problem-solver.
Can’t decide between modern and traditional? We’ll find a balance.
One person loves bold colors, the other wants all neutrals? Let’s meet in the middle with accent tones that won’t feel overwhelming.
Disagree on kitchen layout? We’ll show you real-world pros and cons before you commit.
Our job is to turn different preferences into a cohesive, functional design—without anyone feeling like they “lost.”
Looking for an architect who truly listens? Let’s talk. Urban Building Workshop brings 25 years of experience in architecture, construction, and real estate development. We serve residential and commercial clients in the San Francisco Bay Area and across California.
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